Hi, my name is Holly and I have the incredible burden we call “loving others too much.”

Cue my fellow empaths in a semicircle monotonely saying “Hi Holly.”

I am of course kidding, it’s not a burden, but it is something I am trying to manage. Maybe you suffer from this too? I have spent most of my life living with this blessed curse. One therapist told me my empathetic cup for others was so full that it was slowly killing me. In my brain that simply meant that I need to increase the capacity of my cup and then it wouldn’t be too full, which means I’ve got more margin to give. Logic, duh.

You see, if someone called me and told me that they needed a hug and a warm chocolate chip cookie, you better believe that I would be texting them the gate code and preheating the oven, even if I didn’t know if that person would do that for me. Is it Christlike? Yes. Do we need to find a balance? Absolutely.

There have been a few times though, that Christ gave me the strength and the wisdom to end relationships/friendships, but only when that person had truly broken all the trust and empathy I had shown them. Horrifically painful, but in the end, very much needed. Now, did that end my chronic overly empathetic nature, obviously not.

I find that this empathy problem rears it head the most in friendships and particularly, in community.

Community is a beautiful, broken thing. It’s a place full of broken people, trying to come together and supporting one another but somehow always having its failures. That’s normal of course, we live in a fallen world. However, I tend to hold Christian communities to a higher standard. We are called to be examples and to love in a way that glorifies Christ in everything we do.

For me community has always come in waves. Waves of being super busy, filled to the brim with commitments, and then something changes, something I can’t quite grasp or understand and then it dwindles. Suddenly I stop getting invited to things, a friendship becomes strained, or some other plight occurs. It’ll circle its way back somehow, but in the meantime my mind gets troubled.

When it hits a low, that’s when my heart begins to race, I wonder what I did wrong or what I need to change.

“Maybe I should have done more? Maybe it was that one time that I didn’t answer that text? Maybe I’m just not enjoyable to be around?

None of that is true, but I grieve because the love that I have for others is usually so grand, so big, so true. Which explains the heart break I feel when it doesn’t get reciprocated to the extent that I have extended it myself. You see, there’s that empathetic overload again.

What is that balance? I don’t quite know yet. I do know that God has blessed me with a fiancé who’s doing a really great job at reminding me of my limitations and what Christ actually expects of me. I know that I have some core people who love me and will always be there. I know that Christ has given me the gift of serving, and loving others well, and He will help me use it to His full power.

So to my fellow, “overly empathetic lover girls and guys,” you’re not alone.

Christ sees the love that you give to Him and it is actively being reciprocated immeasurably more than you can ask or think.

Rest assured, it is well.